Ok...Here goes...My messing around in the barn story.

Shortly after I moved to Tennessee here, I started seeing this real hot married farmer/contruction worker. He would usually come and hang out at my place to "mess around," on acount of his wife and kids. He did invite me over for dinner or a beer on occasion. One late afternoon, I was over at his place and after a few beers, he ask me if I ever had tried a cock sucking calf.
I said no, I had not. He went into the house and came out with a Calf-sized baby bottle.
"Wanna Try?"
Well, I'll try (almost) anything once
"OK, Sure!" I said and we trotted down to the barn
Now the bottle was for providing a modicum of appeasent for the calf. They can get real disagreeable when they suck on somthing and nothing comes out.
We played around with each other for a bit to get hard, then in comes the calf. He seemed to know just what to do, and he did it very well. Unfortunatly my buddy's wife awoke from her nap and stealthfully came into the barn and caught us both with our pants down. After that the word was out that I could not be trusted with husbands or livestock.

The sad part of this story is that I have not been maintaining this reputation as of late. One of the curses of age I guess...